First of all, that boy you’re with, the one with the long
hair… No, just no! He told you he loved you, but come on! You’ve only been
together 5 weeks and you’re only 15, you don’t even know what love is! And yes,
he does cheat on you with that girl you suspect. Specimen A arsehole. In fact,
you will go on to date a string of utter arseholes but don’t you worry… it will
turn out just fine in the end. You’ll eventually meet a wonderful man who will
treat you like an absolute princess, respect you entirely and the best thing is
that you will finally completely trust somebody.
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You know that dream you have of becoming a police officer?
Yeah, that’s not gonna happen. However you won’t work that out until after you’ve
spent £20,000 on a Criminology degree. You will take on a string of crappy
admin jobs after graduating (don’t worry, you graduate with a 2:1) until one
fateful day when somebody at work hears that you have an interest in hockey.
She’ll ask if you’re interested in volunteering as a hockey coach for a
children’s team. You agree to because you’re single and have nothing else
better to do but will soon fall in love with working with children and you
decide to become a teacher… yes, a teacher! It’s hard work, but you get there
in the end (and after spending almost £30,000).
I’m gonna let you in on a little secret… this ‘goth’ phase
you’re going through – wearing black, dying your hair black, too much eyeliner –
you look like shit! Seriously, sort it out! You don’t need to change your
appearance to ‘fit in’ with a certain group of friends. In fact, they’re not
even real friends.
Speaking of friends, that one girl that you are joint at the
hip with will eventually turn out to be a disappointment. Very flaky, very
stuck up and very annoying. She thinks she’s better than you and will verbally
announce such. Those fun trips you have to Primark will be no more as she
states that Primark is now ‘beneath her’. You stop speaking once you go to
university and unfortunately you don’t really make any new friends. Mostly
because you spend far too much time with Specimen B arsehole boyfriend but also
because you’re far too insecure and you’re constantly comparing yourself to
other girls, haunted by your perception that they think they’re better than
you! But again, don’t worry. When you meet your lovely, amazing, wonderful
boyfriend 9 months after splitting with Specimen B arsehole he will introduce
you to a plethora of lovely people who really make you feel welcome and you
will go on to have many wonderful times with them.
I know you’re well aware of the amount of arguments your
parents have, and you’re well aware that they don’t even love each other
anymore but that will be sorted eventually. Your mum will sadly decide to move
down to Wolverhampton to be with the rest of her family,
but the main thing is that she’s happy. Your sister will also eventually move
away but meet a lovely man named Kev and have the most gorgeous little nephew
for you.
So that’s about all I can say for now. The main thing is to
remember that no matter how bad things seem they WILL get better. Perhaps in 10
years time I’ll write a letter to my 25 year old self…
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