Letter to My 15 Year Old Self

First of all, that boy you’re with, the one with the long hair… No, just no! He told you he loved you, but come on! You’ve only been together 5 weeks and you’re only 15, you don’t even know what love is! And yes, he does cheat on you with that girl you suspect. Specimen A arsehole. In fact, you will go on to date a string of utter arseholes but don’t you worry… it will turn out just fine in the end. You’ll eventually meet a wonderful man who will treat you like an absolute princess, respect you entirely and the best thing is that you will finally completely trust somebody.

You know that dream you have of becoming a police officer? Yeah, that’s not gonna happen. However you won’t work that out until after you’ve spent £20,000 on a Criminology degree. You will take on a string of crappy admin jobs after graduating (don’t worry, you graduate with a 2:1) until one fateful day when somebody at work hears that you have an interest in hockey. She’ll ask if you’re interested in volunteering as a hockey coach for a children’s team. You agree to because you’re single and have nothing else better to do but will soon fall in love with working with children and you decide to become a teacher… yes, a teacher! It’s hard work, but you get there in the end (and after spending almost £30,000).

I’m gonna let you in on a little secret… this ‘goth’ phase you’re going through – wearing black, dying your hair black, too much eyeliner – you look like shit! Seriously, sort it out! You don’t need to change your appearance to ‘fit in’ with a certain group of friends. In fact, they’re not even real friends.

Speaking of friends, that one girl that you are joint at the hip with will eventually turn out to be a disappointment. Very flaky, very stuck up and very annoying. She thinks she’s better than you and will verbally announce such. Those fun trips you have to Primark will be no more as she states that Primark is now ‘beneath her’. You stop speaking once you go to university and unfortunately you don’t really make any new friends. Mostly because you spend far too much time with Specimen B arsehole boyfriend but also because you’re far too insecure and you’re constantly comparing yourself to other girls, haunted by your perception that they think they’re better than you! But again, don’t worry. When you meet your lovely, amazing, wonderful boyfriend 9 months after splitting with Specimen B arsehole he will introduce you to a plethora of lovely people who really make you feel welcome and you will go on to have many wonderful times with them.

I know you’re well aware of the amount of arguments your parents have, and you’re well aware that they don’t even love each other anymore but that will be sorted eventually. Your mum will sadly decide to move down to Wolverhampton to be with the rest of her family, but the main thing is that she’s happy. Your sister will also eventually move away but meet a lovely man named Kev and have the most gorgeous little nephew for you.

 

So that’s about all I can say for now. The main thing is to remember that no matter how bad things seem they WILL get better. Perhaps in 10 years time I’ll write a letter to my 25 year old self…